Was God there?

by startnover

Before age 5 I was abused. It was someone who was in the family. Then as time went on there were more people that abused me. My last count of how many people that abused me is 9...My abusers were mostly family members but there were others outside of the family there was also a pastor. I know that it seems crazy and scary all at the same time. I started to believe that I was only alive for one thing. I cried out to God many times to just take my life or to end the abuse. He never did. When I got older I walked away from God it was like well what happened to this God who did all of these miracles who is supposed to be compassionate and loving Where was He?

It wasn't until recently that I realized that He was there more than I knew. He stopped me from being killed he stopped me from killing myself. DOn't get me wrong everytime I have a nightmare I get mad at Him but then come back he was there with all of us..We survived.

Sure we are all reliving it now but we have to remember that He will help us through again.

I don't know why he allows abuse but if we can use our experience to help others through what they are going through then maybe that is why we went through it.

Comments for Was God there?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Jan 12, 2015
GOD is there in my Emotional and Physical Abuse NEW
by: Anonymous

That is so amazing, your testimonies!
I had a similar experience re GOD on the bed beside you. This actually really happened.
My first love, the man I was going to marry I met at 17... First time he hit me was after 7 rocky but great years together so, I immediately broke up with him. For 6 months, he apologised and kept promising he'd changed... I still loved him but I refused to live with Abuse & told him so!

I went out with someone else for 2 years who was totally amazing in how he treated me, but things changed. He ended up breaking my heart really badly. I didn't eat, didn't sleep, fasted, prayed, and eventually fell ill and it was then I reverted back to the devil I knew, the abuser... He was always in the background waiting for me to crumble, ready to take me back... By now, he had actually had Counselling. We also went to my Church together (My condition for being with him was there had to be accountability). We spoke to
the Pastor honestly about all the issues and the abuse, seeking their practical help and further Counselling. (That ended up being too late cos there was a waiting list and we had a bust-up prior.)
I'd come too far so I was no victim anymore. I calmly and carefully picked him up on all his manipulation,verbal and physical abuse and boldly challenged his "entitled" chauvinist selfish thinking. Thankfully the Pastor had been on my side: Made it clear that there was no excuse to ever hit or belittle anyone, which helped me (and angered him, but I put safety measures in place and avoided leaving with him after that session so he broke up with me for once).

Each time I compared him to the guy who'd treated me right, I knew I could do better / wanted to be loved right, so I accepted the breakup but was too depressed about it, so we ended up back together months later. I think my yo-yoing was freaking him out. He'd told me alot that I could do much better. I believed that but I at the same time, I also loved him and believed he was making progress - he'd been there for me when I was ill, he was trying / going to church more and was able to see & admit he'd hurt me.. I honestly thought it was the best I'd get. He was all I'd known for so long.
The worst inevitably happened when he flipped one day and stated I was trying to manipulate him, I was playing victim
and making him out to be this monster! (He was a scary monster when he got angry) - Anyways he was hitting me repeatedly (nothing that would show) & shouting all sorts. It's all a blur now but I just remembered him stopping to call... my mum (my go-to person)... at work, saying I'd gone crazy and was losing it, that he feared for my safety so couldn't leave me on my own. I couldn't believe it! I didn't know what next, I was trapped in my own room, on my own bed cos he was blocking the door! I was restrained everytime I'd tried to leave.
She was sooo scared it was true but asked to speak to me & he obliged. I calmly whispered to her that he was lying and said he was in my house & being abusive and wouldn't leave! (I'd asked him to). She said she'd ask work to leave and come over ASAP so I gave the phone back - I feared I was going to end up dead cos he was far gone like he'd held all that rage in too long and now had nothing to lose! I
started praying, cowering under the covers and felt the literal peaceful presence of GOD just swoop down on the bed beside me.
He left to go wash his face in the bathroom. I got my bag and shoes and just ran down the stairs and out of the house and only went back the next day when my mum was able to go with me. He'd left! Thank God. He tried to say we should resolve it and get back together but I was like politely but solidly said no!!!
That's the last time I saw him. I'd actually dreamt of him hitting me and me going to a safe place some time before that. I moved Church for many reasons and got a fresh start, new Christian friends who didn't know him or what had happened, got a lot of help and prayers and cried a lot but was soooo glad for the peace. I've been single nearly 2 years now and wow GOD has done sooo much work in me, I'm actually healed as though it all happened to someone else. I recommend casting your burdens on Jesus - He cares and draws near to the brokenhearted. He is the best love anyone could have! I'd never have survived without him. I would have probably given in to suicidal thoughts when I was at my lowest but even those passed as I prayed for GOD to take my life. Instead he's filled it with joy, peace and purpose. I'm helping others who have been abused now & ministering as a messanger of Hope... I'm just so glad how far removed I am from that old life of drama. Choose wisely who you get involved with, take it slow and get to know people in every setting. See how they treat family and how they react when angry /if it's healthy or excessive. It says a lot cos red flags are usually glaring early on if you know what to look for and aren't too sentimentally attached to act.

Jan 30, 2012
God is there! NEW
by: Anonymous

It took me a year and a half of therapy... to not picture myself alone on the bed crying after the sexual abuse...

For some reason, currently, I cannot picture my experience without God's presence sitting next to me on the bed after it happened...

Not sure exactly what that looks like but, before I was just a sad child sitting on the bed in a hopeless place.

Now, I still imagine myself crying on the bed but, God is sitting next to me... LOVING me.

God has used this new vision to heal me
and to help me find truth in the fact that he is always there and we are never alone.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Own Story.