Too Numb To Live
I wish it never happened.
It changed me completely.
And I hate myself so much more because of it.
It ruined my sexuality- fear of remembering it from intimacy or loving intimacy too much.
I lost control of myself after it happened.
I dont know who I am or how to act anymore.
I feel it stopped time and it made me trapped in its grasp,unable to escape.
I feel somethings wrong with me- how I just cant get over all of this.
How can pain be so unbarable I go numb.
If I blend in with society maybe I wont feel so different and alone.
How can I get out of my head.
And my body that embraces every feeling it gets.
Will time ever tell?
All I do is hide in my secret place.
No one knows where it is or how it makes me feel.
I deal alone with this holocaust inside me.
Writings my outlet.
My place to feel everything I do and accept them.
Instead of judging myself like I do on the outside.
Just so no one will know that I really cant deal with it alone.
I keep quiet so no one knows.
What will change if they did?
Will this be over?