My confession and my plea for help...
I've never spoken a word. I am going to be completely honest this time, I won't leave out an important detail. I'll tell you that what I remember most about my childhood was mind-numbing fear. Being scared for my life. I have an older brother, 4 years older. It all started when I was 6 or 7. I remember being called horrible, horrible names. I remember black eyes and bruises and fat lips, and blood everywhere. I remember one night I had a nightmare, and him and I shared the same room. I got up to go downstairs to my moms room, to go to her bed to make the dream go away. But he was awake and he asked me what was wrong. I told him I had a nightmare and I was going to moms room. He told me that I shouldn't wake her up. I said she won't mind, and started walking for the door but he said not to wake her up and to come into his bed. I listened to him. He had a twin size bed so it was small for the two of us. It's hard to describe what happened next but I think that you know what happened. Another time I remember was when we were up in our bedroom and he had me sit ontop of him and move around. I just did what I was told. He would pull my hair and he would backhand me across the face. He would call me fat and the most ugly person in the entire world. He would even say that I wasn't a person, I was just nasty and I should die. One time he was chasing me around the house. I ran into the bathroom, screaming bloody murder and I shut the door and locked it. He then perceeded to take a screw driver and remove the door knob. I thought I was going to die. I kept screaming at him to stop, to go away. LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I was only 8 years old. I was being tormented. I was already covered in black and blue. And when he finally slammed the door open he stepped in and looked at me. I was sitting in a corner of the bathroom, tears soaking my entire face and I screamed at him to get away. He looked down at me and do you know what he did? He laughed at me. He laughed at a little girl crying for her life.
Another time, later on when we had separate rooms he was beating me up. I hid behind my door but he squeezed through the doorway anyway. He took my head and he slammed it against the wall. There is still a huge dent where it happened.
Please someone help me. Please someone tell me who to turn to so I don't think about those things. Help me be able to control my mind, to get rid of these thoughts. I want to be healed, I want to be cured. Please someone help me before it's too late?