being left behind

by JoAnne Kramer
(St.Louis,Mo USA)

It seems as if I'm always being left behind.It may sound like a soap opera,but my dad was an alcoholic jerk that my mom had to save me from until she left with me when I was three.She said I stuttered for a year after that.My dad has never returned to my life since.I was date raped at school when I was twelve.He left me there in the empty classroom,I didn't breathe a word to anyone of course.Particularly due to the fact that he was telling me how fat I was as he continued to screw me.When I was fourteen,I met the man of my dreams.Twenty-nine year old kung-fu teacher,Ike.I visited him often during the day when no one was there,and what do you get when you cross a starry-eyed teenager and an action hero?Love scenes,of course.This part is reminiscent of Lolita,but he really did take me away from home,across two states to kentucky.When we had to come back to StLouis,I was again left behind at a different friend's house every other week.I later learned that he did this on purpose to frustrate me into going home.He accomplished his mission.The kung-fu master didn't want to face my mother,so he put me out of the car at a stop light.He drove off,leaving me.... behind.Starting to become a running joke,isn't it?Marilyn was born and I wasn't much of a mom at sixteen,so my aunt adopted her.Leaving me(sing along if you know the words)behind.Whatever remained of my heart after hurricane Ike,left with my baby.I still see her,but the years have been heavy with different pains.I couldn't pick her up when she cried after a fall becase she didn't want me,she wanted her mom.And so the human incubator was,well....left behind

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