((Call me at BitWine.com 8-5 M-Sat. to speak with me directly! ( or Chat with me if I am online or leave me a message and we can schedule a time to speak that works for you! Just click on the diagram below to go to the site for information and instructions.))
Healing-Your-Inner-Child. Is this something that you have done? Did you know you have a inner child?
I didn't either, at first, then I began to think about all of the decisions I had made in my life and how I had gotten to the place I was at that time in my life.
It started to make sense that someone else might be influencing my decisions other than the adult part of me. Why? because many of my decisions were spur of the moment, like a child's and had gotten me into trouble!
When I first heard John Bradshaw talking about Healing-Your-Inner-Child, I thought he was basically "nuts", it was a little too "New agie" for me. Then I started to really consider what he was implying..and it started to make sense.
I explain it a little differently, but I think he and I are on the same basic wavelength.
When you are sexually abused as a child, you usually don't tell anyone out of fear. Many of us grew up in dysfunctional homes with dysfunctional parents. Maybe we were victims of incest. If that was true, we were definitely probably too afraid to tell the non-affending parent out of fear that they might blame us for the abuse!
Maybe our parents weren't around us much. They could have been out drinking, working or just out of touch with us. Whatever the reason, the communication wasn't there.
If we thought the abuse was our fault, what a HUGE burden for a child to carry!
If we had parents that had unhealed childhood wounds, like maybe they had been sexually abused themselves, they could not love in a healthy way because they didn't know how. We could feel that something was wrong..but couldn't identify it.
If we were not receiving love from our parents at a young age, we were carrying around feelings of extreme unworthiness and totally feeling unlovable!
Even though we were victims of abuse, somehow we managed to survive by ADAPTING to whatever the environment we were in.
The older we became, the better we became at adapting.
We did what we had to do to protect our wounded hearts and survive in a sometimes comepletely chaotic situation.
If the sexual or physical abuse continued, the trauma and emotions were buried. We dissociated, used defense mechanisms and adapted until adulthood until when we somehow escaped the environment.
An adult with a "wounded child" inside is an adult who never healed from their abuse. They either ignored it and suppressed it or acted it out in unhealthy ways.
Regardless, you have learned along the way from your childhood:
1) You can't trust adults
2) Life isn't safe
3) My parents can't protect me
4) I am alone
5) God doesn't love me.... and many other negative things.
This 5y/o has undoubtedly been making many decisions for you most of your life.
Think about it. A five y/o has probably been controlling your behavior most of the time. Ask yourself. What kind of relationships have you been in? Have you had any drug or alcohol problems? Have you gotten in trouble acting out in any way? What has your behavior been like?
If you have kids of your own, have you found yourself actually arguing with your child on more than one occasion? Think about it,
1) it wastes time and energy
2) YOU are an adult!
WHY are you bringing yourself down to their level and actually arguing with them? Only another child would do that! Hey, I'm NOT judging, I have done it more than once myself!
Do you ever go shopping and want a pretty necklace, no matter what the cost, and buy it? Even though you can't afford it?
How about a pretty car? How about a dog, a cat, a new boyfriend? Stuffed animals? The shopping network? shoes? furniture? makeup? Do you make spur of the moment purchases because they feel good?
The same goes for drugs, alcohol, gambling, and most addictions.
That is what they call. INSTANT GRATIFICATION. It can also be attributed to a child inside of you making the decision to buy something. The child wants it RIGHT NOW!!! Regardless of the consequences.
ADULTS know that they should SAVE money, BUDGET, make purchases according to what they have financially and not go into DEBT.
Does this make sense to you?
Is it making sense how you got to where you are and why Healing-Your-Inner-Child might be important?
Personally, I had a 12 y/o making most of my decisions for me. Mostly bad decisions. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right NOW!
My consequence was that I had bad relationships and I went into debt, big time!
Now, How do you STOP the out of control inner child and take back your power? Well, it really is about Healing-Your-Inner-Child...and help from God.
How Do you go about Healing-Your-Inner-Child? Well, I prefer the "Empty Chair" method. It is a Gestalt method that some therapists use. I like it because it is concrete and it worked for me with my anger release.
When I did this, I spoke to the two inner children inside of me. The 12 y/o and the 18 y/o. Those were the ages I was when I was abused. Like I had said before, the 12 y/o had been most in control for the longest time and needed the most healing.
She was the most non-trusting, the most seductive, God hating and really, the most hurt. She needed loved the most.
Activity for Healing-Your-Inner-Child
For this exercise, you will need an empty chair, a stuffed animal, kleenex and to make sure your environment is safe.
Pretend and visualize that child part of you is sitting in the chair in front of you. Tell her that you understand her anger, her fears, her pain...from the abuse..but you can't allow her to control your life anymore. YOU are the adult, not her.
Tell her you are taking over the job. Tell her you love her and are always going to be there for her and will never leave her. Tell her that the abuse is over..and that you can only be healthy if you move forward.
Hold your stuffed animal and pretend you are hugging her.
It is time for you to make adult choices....NOT choices made by a child from a place of fear or anger.
Oh, and by the way, pray and ask God to help you with this. He is ALWAYS there to help you if you just ASK. I am reminding you because I always have to remind myself. :)
Find out what that child NEEDS to be nurtured.
As humans, especially as children, we all have the need to be nurtured. If you didn't get those needs met as a child, then figure out how you can get them met now. It is never too late! This is all about healing. Healing-Your-Inner-Child!
If your inner child never got to play, then you need to set aside time to go to the park and play on the swings. GET THOSE NEEDS MET! Healing-Your-Inner-Child is all about meeting your unmet needs in a way that doesn't harm you or anyone else.
If you need to sleep with a stuffed animal to feel safe for awhile, then DO IT! There is no harm in that. We all need to have our safety needs met! Safety is a priority! I had cats to make me feel safe. I called them my "attack cats"..even though they wouldn't attack a fly! I just felt safe having them around and I was able to give and receive love from them, unconditionally. A dog works just as well to feel safe while Healing-Your-Inner-Child.
I have read where some therapists have their clients create a child doll of themselves to care for while Healing-their-Inner-Children and I think that is a great idea! That is also something you can do..for a time...Until you no longer have the need to do so. It is hands on! Anything you can do "hands on" is good. You can see and feel the results.
The main point here is to take the control away from the child inside of you who have been making your life decisions based on reactive emotions and healing them which actually heals yourself and puts you, the adult in charge of your life and gives you back your POWER!
Healing-Your-Inner-Child really is about forgiveness of yourself and realizing that your life can be different in a positive way, and that you DO have strenth and power as an adult!
You are not that little child anymore.
My approach is just one of many. There are lots of other books out there on the inner child subject. Feel free to look them up on google on the front page of my site. My mission here is to help you however I can.
Healing-Your-Inner-Child truly is a spiritual experience and it is about meeting your needs that you didn't get met as a child.
What can you expect after this?
Well, with me, I gave myself permission to be a child. I took time to go to the park and play on the swings, I started painting trees and woods with cabins and blue skies. My dreams changed..I could fly in my dreams! I laughed more, I made more friends, I took more chances, I went to Europe!
I realized the possibilites were endless. I hope that you do too.
Be a child! I felt like my abusers stole my childhood away from me..so, I took it back! It empowered me! It is never too late to take back your childhood AND do it responsibly. Don't shirk your adult duties..just add LIFE to your life!!
God bless you on your journey of Healing-Your-Inner-Child. I know that you are going to feel a weight lifted from your shoulders and from your heart!
This is quite a sad video about child abuse. It is called
"Dear Mr Jesus". If you are wanting to get in touch with your emotions related to your abuse, watching this is an effective way to do so. I assure you, you can't watch it without crying!
Heal your pets too! This is great stuff for you pet people...like me!
Pets are great to have around and also great for Healing-Your-Inner-Child. They provide all the unconditional love you can handle!!
This herbal product helps those animals with a few years on them (like my 11 y/o black lab) with joint discomfort.
Check it out!