when i was a little girl.

let me start off by telling you how amazing my mother is.she has been there for me through everything.im 17,when i was ten years old i was sexually abused by my step father.it went on for a while up until i was about twelve years old.when i turned sixteen it only got harder and it was all i could think about.it was constantly running through my mind.i thought why?why did this have to happen to me? is something wrong with me? well he had messed with me around five times,until one night he tryed to stick his privates in my mouth and i jerked away.and told him i didnt want to do this.he had gotten scared and told me that i could never tell anyone about this or i would be taken away and no one would be able to take care of my mom.he would go to prison and i would never see him again.and it scared me so bad.because hes prety much my dad,because back then my real dad had nothing to do with me.my mom and i are so close so i felt like i needed to protect her.i try to forget the things he done and everything that happened,but no matter what is pretty much on my mind.finally i told my boyfriend after we had sex for the first time because i just felt like sex is not for me.my boy told my sister and my sister told my dad and we got the ds and police invlolved.he was going to prison.the day of april first 2009 he was suppose to go turn him self in,but he didnt he shot himself and died instantly.this has been a horrible expierence for me and my mom and my sister,were trying our best to get through it.were in counseling right now & ill be in it for a while.its hard to trust god sometimes too.if anyone needs to talk im here for anyone.i know how this feels i deal with it every second of my life.you just need support in your life & god!