My Story

I guess you could say I am one of the "Wounded Healers" mentioned on the website, athough until recently I wouldn't have labeled myself as such. I have been working in the counseling field for a little over 12 years, with both children and adults. I thought I had dealt with all my past issues. At least I told myself that.
A few months ago I began being triggered by things my clients would say in sessions. I began experiencing severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, you name it, I began to have it! I was really embarrassed about going into therapy, but after a car accident, I told myself I would go in to deal with that. After I started counseling, I began to trust my counselor enough to talk about the sexual abuse. I am slowly beginning to get better, although I still have my days. Recently I went to a training and found myself being triggered by something said in the training. It made it really difficult to get through the training, but I did and I felt good afterwards that I had been able to handle it.

I know I am not going in to great detail with my story, but someday, maybe I will be able to share more. I guess if there is one thing I would stress is to not be ashamed to get help! I like the analogy of the empty glass on the "Wounded Healers" page. We can't truly help others, until we take care of our own needs!

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Nov 20, 2010
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That is true
by: Anonymous

I was in the same boat. I thought i had gotten over my abuse. Been abused for 11 years straight by different men...raped, and tourtred. And i thought i dealt with it but i didnt...i realized that i was just hiding for all situations that could lead to being hurt again includding love. I am better now i got help.

Aug 14, 2009
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Thank You
by: Anonymous

I appreciate your encouragement. I am glad I found this site.

Aug 14, 2009
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I am so sorry!
by: Vee

How horrible that must have been for you! To feel so violated and taken advantage of. Very Sad!

It is critical to find a 'safe place' and someone safe to share with. I am so glad that you have found this site to share and grow. It is a blessing to many of us.

I too...felt that I could not trust my own feelings and memories. It all seemed like a dream. Or should I say ..a nightmare!

They were Just Sooo horrible..certainly it could not be real.

But it is real. It really did happen...and as I remembered it.

I have heard of 'false memories' being 'planted' by therapists. What a horrible thing to live through...being violated all over again by someone that you trusted.

YOU are strong...YOU will be able to navigate through this!

Our bodies remember the pain..even if we have blocked it out of our minds. Trust yourself. Open up as you feel safe. It takes time to heal...be patient with yourself and it will happen.

The exercises here have helped me to claim my memories and to face them without fear. I have painted many of my memories and they help to fill in the details...much like putting together a puzzle. I have also used crayons to draw the events..since I was a very young child at the time of my abuse, it helped me to feel that 'inner child'.

YOU are worthy!

YOU are worth the effort!!!

YOU will heal!!!!

We are here for YOU! :)

Aug 14, 2009
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Thanks for the encouragement
by: Anonymous

I think the hardest thing about this whole process is trusting the feelings, nightmares,etc as evidence that something happened. There are some memories I remember very clearly. Others are just intense feelings and fear that comes up when something triggers me. It's hard for me to describe it.
I once had a counselor, who forced me to try and remember things that didn't happen. I ended up getting sicker instead of better. Basically, he was just trying to keep me sick and on a psych unit as a part of a scam to make money. I wasn't the only one subjected to this. He turned me against my family and made me totally dependent on him.
It took a lot to finally take the leap and try counseling again. It was really hard to admit that I needed help! It's even harder to trust my feelings and memories because of what happened with my past attempts to get help.
Fortunately, I do trust the therapist I have now and really believe that this time I can overcome this!

Aug 14, 2009
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Please Share! :)
by: Vee

Please share more of your story...

It is so healing! I too had much trouble with talking about my 'story' but as soon as I opened just a little...I felt better. It is much like pulling the weeds from a garden, the more you pull ..The more you want and need to and best of all..the more room you will make for all of the flowers.

Isn't it the hardest thing in the world to feel our own pain, give it a voice that it deserves and set it free....to finally let it go. How much easier it is to help others...As we bleed..the wounded healers!

Great job on the courage that it took to speak out and share! YOU are on your way to healing !

hugs!

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