my story

by Neesa
(canada)

Fisrt off, im really bad at spelling and i dont have good grammer. Im 15 years old. Ive been sexually abused 4 times and i hope it wont happen again. Im only going to share one story because i dont feel comfortable sharing the rest.

In the summer, i bought a bag of weed and was heading over to my friends house to hang out with her, her boyfriend and another one of my friends, we smoked my weed and we were already really high, but we deicided to go buy more weed, but little did we know, it was laced, i wasnt in my right mind, ive never did any hard drugs before. I got a phone call from one of my other friends who i didnt know that well asking me if we wanted to go to a pretty big party with her but my other friends didnt want to. I left my friends house to meet my other friend, we met than headed to the party, by than i was very effected by the drugs i never even told her and she could tell. We got their and i drank quite a bit and started feeling very sick and started to get a really bad feeling so i told my friend, and she didnt want to leave, so i started walking home, by myself. A teen probably about 17 was walking behind me he fallowed me out of the party, i just thought he was going the same direction as me and didnt think anything of it, but than he started walking faster and faster and getting closer, he told me that he thought i was very beautiful and wanted to talk to me all night but never got the chance to, i didnt really say much, he asked me if i wanted to go to his house or walk around with him for a bit, i felt intimidated and didnt know what to do, so i walked with him, which was the wrong thing to do. We got to the path behind my house, theres alot of trees around and stuff, i wasnt scared anymore because i was almost home, than he stopped walking, and i told him that i didnt feel good and needed to get home, he didnt say anything to me, he just started kissing me, i told him to stop, but he didnt, he started feeling me up. I was really scared and almost started crying, i asked him why he was doing this to me, he told me that he was good and that i was going to like it, but i told him i didnt want to do anything. He just kept going. He was being really rough and even though i was really baked it hurt so bad and i started crying, he told me to be quiet and that he wanted to have sex with me and that he knows my older brother and that if i didnt do what he said he had a gun at home and would kill my brother. I was shocked i didnt even know what to say, I just stood their holding my tears back, he told me to follow him so i did, he took me off the path and into the forest, he pushed me to the ground and unbuttoned my jeans. I cared about my brother that much, and was really scared that i just layed their i guess, he raped me.. i started crying again, he told me he was almost done than he would leave. He finished, than he took off. I got up, and managed to get myself home, i went to my room, and sat on my bed and cryed. Im in a long distance relationship. He lives in the town i moved away from three years ago, he was my best friend since the day i moved their, hes 17, hes a very understanding guy. I picked up my cell phone and texted him, and told him what happened, he was shocked. He was nice about it, he asked me if i was okay, and if i was ready to talk about and asked me if i told anyone, we talked about it for awhile.. it made me feel a little bit better. I spent the rest of my summer at home crying, i went to visit my boyfriend a few times, i was still a wreck. My mom finally asked me what was wrong, i told her, and she told me that she would get me help. She found a counceler for me to talk to. I didnt like her, she forced me to go to the police and file a report, it made me feel even worse than before. After that i never went back to her again. Now im still very depressed and still dont know what to do. But i guess there isnt much i can do.

So..ya.. thats my story.