Leave me alone .

by Ashley

I have no poem, but i do feel the need to share my story .
I want women and even men that have been abused to understand that they arent alone .
I was 10 years old . And Daddy was my BESTFRIEND . But still a monster inside . The trust i had for him was greater than the trust i had for anyone else . He appeared to me as the best dad ever, except for the fact that i had been beat from the age of 2 till now . I wanted so badly to believe it was his way of parenting, but i really knew what he was doing. My dad was a truck diver and he wanted to take me on another one of his trips (Which I LOVED). We got to where we were suppose to be and then it was time for him to park the truck while the trailor was docked. I didnt expect anything to happen despite the fact that before we parked , he made me promise that whatever goes on in the truck stayed in the truck. He told me he was tired and then went to the back to lay down. He asked when i was gonna come back with him , like it wasnt optional. I climbed into bed with him. And in just a brief amount of time he started rubbing me. He touched my vagina over my clothes , but then realized it wasnt good enough for him. When all this was going on , i was so confused and thought of nothing but to pretend that i was asleep, and i did. He then went under my shorts and started fingering me. I was shocked . I tried so hard to hold in the tears but they couldnt hold back. I wiped them off with the pillow and then let him continue. It just got worse. After he fingered me , he told me to get up and i acted like i had jsut woke up. Without any notice he stuck his tongue down my throat. I pulled back and asked him what he was doing, and he pulled me closer to him with a VERY firm grip and wouldnt let me move. I found it getting harder for me to breath , almost as if he were chocking me. Then he threw me down and got on top me and i said nothing. I just let him do it. I let him hurt me all over again. He took his pants off then ripped mine off , then the underwear. I asked him what he was doing , and all he said was shut up. He was just about to put his dick inside me until at that very moment his truck number was called on the intercome. I felt such a relief. It was God , it had to of been. I felt blessed. But once he took care of the trailor , he came back and put his hands on my face. He held me so tight my cheeks felt numb. He then lightly kissed me and said your lucky this time. But i told myself that there wont be a next time , and there wasnt. I think about it all the time. Even though its been three years, I find myself afraid to go to sleep at night, what if it happened all over again ? He has caused my life to be HELL for so long, but i turned around because i finally realized that im strong. And I cant let something like that hold me back. It taught me who my dad really was . And that i didnt have to see him anymore. Of course things are still hard for me. I dont trust people , and I found myself attached to cigaretts at the age of 13 !! But with Gods help and the support of my family and friends , I have gotten so far in life , and i thank my dad for doing what he did. It changed my life for the worse and for the better.

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