I dk wat to do

Well... first off i just recently turned eighteen... it has been almost a full year since i was raped by one of my friends. I feel like a baby when i tell my story... but i don't want anyone else to know about it because i feel like it's in some way my fault. But i also feel like no one cares and after a yr i still haven't coped well with it, so i am typing this in hopes that it will help me. I just turned seventeen and had gotten my first job. i was so excited. Basically i became quick friends with two of the guys there. I trusted them... i shouldn't have. I already wasn't a virgin, so does it even matter that i was raped by him? I dk... anyways, it was a cold cloudy March day. Me and my two guy friends went to the lake. I wasn't gonna stay over night but i ended up trying weed for the first time that night, so i stayed till morning. When i woke up one of the two guys said he had to leave for a while. That left me with just one of the guys. I was fine until he started trying to kiss me and such. I didn't want him to, so i said no. I kept saying no... but he ended up doing wat he wanted to anyways. I was in shock and denial after he raped me. Couldn't believe it. How could someone do that to another person? When i told him i was upset about what he had done he said we couldn't be friends anymore. I became angry and depressed and i couldn't cope because i had no one to talk to about it. Months later in July the two guys randomly texted me again... like an idiot i went to chill with them. I went because i was so sad and lonely and just wanted the pain to go away and memory. so once again i was raped... and that night i drank with em and got drunk and they each raped me and they even brought a friend, so he did too. Then the next day they said we couldn't be friends anymore once again. I became soo... overwhelmed. i stopped talking as much to people. I was angry and mad. and hurt and i felt guilty and thought it was my fault. so i began to smoke weed. In august they asked to hang out again... i refused and they haven't talked to me since. it is february now. i run into them from time to time, but i look at the ground so they wont see me. I've been recently baptized and quit smoking weed... i'm slowly moving on... but it is so hard. i feel like a baby... but i don't know how to cope. i'm angry. i'm so angry. and nobody knows. i feel alone. i'm upset. i dk how to fix all this. i need help... but i dk if i really want it yet.

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Jun 07, 2011
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YOU ARE NOT ALONE
by: Anonymous

Hi I am 18 too, and I want to write this to you hope it'll help. I kind of went through the same situation but a little different, and well i felt the same feelings you are feeling right now. SO I want to tell you that you can look for someone who can help you someone you can trust.
Because you feel that is your fault, it doesn't mean no one will help you. Trust me someone out there cares for you, I think you just got to look for the person to help you. You are a human and what happened to you happens to a lot of us. Don't be affraid if other people will judge you, they are no better than you. Be strong because i know you are going through a painful path, but soon you will see the light again. I'm not going to judge you for meeting with them again, but you did it because yes you were feeling lonely and maybe because you weren't strong enough. But that is no reason for someone not to help you, it happened because you were confuse and didn't had someone by your side to help you. Please get help from someone so it wont happen again I know you said that they asked you if you could chill with them again and you said no, it's a good thing you did. But just in case they talk to you about it again you will be ready and will know what to do. LOOK FOR HELP YOU DON'T HAVE TO FIGHT THIS ON YOUR OWN.

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