How-to-forgive. If you are a survivor, have you forgiven yourself yet?
Looking back, it seems silly, to pardon ourself for something that wasn't our fault..but still, we carry the guilt as if we had done something wrong..yet we still find ourselves asking..how-to-forgive ourselves.
I spent 20 years carrying that guilt. How long have you been carrying it?
You don't have to carry it you know. No matter what your circumstances were. No matter how your abuse happened.
You don't have to punish yourself anymore. The punishment belongs with the person who took advantage of you! Not with you! The guilt, the shame, and all of the feelings of worthlessness all belong with the person who hurt you!
You don't have to carry those feelings around anymore. They don't belong to you. You have permission to give them away and take back your power.
If you need to know how-to-forgive, if we need forgiven for anything, it is for allowing ourselves to carry those negative feelings around with us for so long and not letting them go. It is time for the wounds inside to heal...and for you to move on with your life without the burden that you have been carrying like a bag of rocks on your back.
I had mentioned on the very first page of this site that when I was abused, it felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart leaving a black hole which I tried to fill with anything and everything.
That is true, Well, when I finally pardoned myself, I found that what I really needed to fill that hole with was love.
I couldn't receive love until I forgave myself. After I learned how-to-forgive and forgave myself, I began to gain back my self esteem and along with that, my personal power! Knowing how-to-forgive begins with giving yourself permission to forgive yourself...and I will talk more about that.
I had allowed my abusers to control my life for almost 20 years!
So, the question is how-to-forgive, well, I needed the love of God to help in that. I also needed me to see the little girl inside of me. I needed to take a long hard look at her and say "Enough!" She had suffered enough!
I was the grown up now, and I needed to take care of her. No one else could do it but me. She was my responsibility! I looked at pictures of myself at the age of my abuse and my heart broke for that little girl!
I needed to forgive myself so that she could be at peace. And you know what? When I did forgive myself, I felt such a sense of peace in my soul that words can not even describe it. Along with the peace came a feeling of personal power.
No one else was controlling my life anymore! I, finally could control my own life! With that came such enormous freedom!
Forgiveness was the key to my new life..and I believe it is the key to yours. It can open the door to personal peace, joy, freedom and power.
As I said earlier, the key in how-to-forgive is knowing that the abuse wasn't your fault and believing that..only then can you give yourself permission to forgive yourself!
You need to give yourself permission to forgive yourself.. and if you can't do that, I give you permission!
Just like recovery, Forgiveness is a CHOICE, one that you deserve, dear one, you have suffered enough!
Now, when it comes to your abuser, the jury is out on that one. That is a controversial subject.
I had to forgive my abusers for MYSELF. For ME and only ME.
Not everyone can or wants to do that and it is strictly a personal decision. Sometimes, at least for me, it is a daily decision.
The only way that I can explain how-to-forgive a sexual abuser is knowing it is not about them deserving it. It was more about me needing to let go of my anger towards them..which at one point was eating away at me. Anger and pain are so closely linked...so for ME, I HAD to forgive in order for me to live my life to the fullest. That said, again, it is not for everyone. Don't let ANYONE judge you! There are many women out there who can not come to this point and I certainly understand that!
There is no easy answer as to how-to-forgive your abuser or abusers.Forgiveness can be extremely difficult...when it comes to someone who hurt you so deeply. It is always a CHOICE.
The thing to remember, the choice to forgive is only for YOU!
Your abuser could probably care less whether you do or not!
This decision is about YOU...and YOUR peace of mind and spirit.
If you choose not to, that is your choice and don't let anyone tell you that it is wrong! Only YOU know what is right in your spirit!
I do believe, with my whole heart, that you need to forgive yourself if you still feel any guilt, shame or other negative feelings about yourself. It is a decision and a process, like I said, sometimes a daily process.
If you need help with this, it is good to find a therapist or counselor to help you with it.
What is important is that you realize if any negative feelings are still dragging you down.
Get in touch with the child inside of you. Visualize her. What would she say to you? Imagine she IS your child and you are her mother, and you know that by forgiving yourself would end her suffering, and yours. You hold the key in knowing how-to forgive yourself my sisters.
God bless you on your journey of forgiveness!
how-to-forgive back to Victim-to-Survivor page..
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